Thursday, May 31, 2012

A Falling Star ...

A near perfect weekend, it was.  Full of friend-time ... with a bit of reflection time mixed in
for good measure.

Patio-sitting ... early morning with coffee ... late at night with the stars spread across the sky.  An evening boat ride even brought forth a falling star.  Scientifically, on any given night a shooting star is visible every 10-15 minutes.  That makes me wonder ... how is it possible?!?!


... so many stars falling ... wishless ...

I didn't see it ... myself.  Surely, though, the magic ... of a wish upon a falling star ... covers everyone present.

We were ... are ... all in the same boat, after all.

Time was spent pondering the life I want to be living.  More than pondering, actually.  There were moments ... during the weekend ... when I was so close ... to being there ... that I could see it ... feel it ... and if I had been bold enough to reach out ...
I might have even touched it.

I found myself wondering ... once again ... how long must one wait ... for yet?

Today ... an answer of sorts came. Showed up in a blog that I stumbled across a week or so ago ... and have been following ... by a gal named Amber Rae.

Wants are fleeting desires, according to Amber Rae.  Wills, on the other hand, are intentional decisions.

AHA moment.  Epic in its simplicity.

Want less. Will more.

I pulled out my "Life I Want To Be Living" statement and saw for the first time ... what should have been obvious all along ... it's a vision statement based on "I want" ... not "I will" ...

No wonder it's taking so long to get there.

Every choice ... every decision I've made for the last few years has been filtered through my "Life I Want To Be Living" statement.  Each bringing me one step closer ...

Close. But no cigar.

Wandered back through some of my musings  ... to see what I was thinking at the same time ... during some other year.  I am want to do that ... from time to time.

Maybe I am impatiently waiting patiently ... for something to happen ... and the only thing standing in the way of me ... and the life I want to be living ... is ME.

That's what I was thinking ... about this time last year.  Doors Wide Open ... living out of the "I want" instead of the "I will" ... longing for something that's time hasn't come ...

Not yet.

I am thinking maybe it's a necessary part of the process.  The "I want" has to come first ... or else I have no way of knowing what I am willing to do ... to get it.

Then I remembered my New Years Resolutions ... the ones I penned a couple of years ago ... and have been renewing each year ... as my compass ... guiding me down the road that appears to lead to nowhere ... moving forward in faith ... trusting that somehow ... when I get there ... it will be exactly where I wanted to go ... all along ... even though it may not look at all as I had imagined it.

I am confident & ready to move off of the sidelines ... from "I want" to "I will".

The life I am living ... is full of wonder and adventure.....is open to sharing myself emotionally, intellectually & physically with someone special ... is colored by the love, laughter & tears that come from close friends & family ... is supported by work that is meaningful & full of purpose ... & offers a glimpse of my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe through me.

... and I am willing to ...

Choose happy. Put people before things ... always. Pray more ... wish less. Follow my heart ...
where ever it leads ... at all costs.  Be open to new adventures.Let someone in ... even if it hurts. Focus less on changing ... & more on being ... who I am. Never lose sight of what's really important ... like hand-holding & smiles. Embrace what's coming next with joy & enthusiasm. Believe!

As far as the falling star goes ... it's ok for my friend to have the wish.  I'll settle for the pocketful full of starlight ... a la Perry Como ... and save it for a rainy day ...

Surprised, once again ... by the unexpected punchline ... 

A rain check. And a smile.

www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com
(c) May 2012








Monday, May 28, 2012

Pinkle Toes ...

Plop. Plop. Fizz. Fizz

Ahhhhhhh.


Soothing, warm  watermelon scented water  ... a foot soak ... on a shady corner of a sun-drenched deck ... margaritas ... lots of laughs ... good times ... good friends.

Watermelon soak ... watermelon scrub ... watermelon lotion.  Petty pedis.  The most important decision of the day ... the color of the polish.

Throwing all caution to the wind ... fun, flirty ... maybe even a little floozy ... hot pink was my choice!  For my toes ... and heck yeah, going all out ... for my fingers, too!

Laughing ... the possibility of those pinkle toes ... attracting me some positive male attention ... girl talk between me and three beautiful friends ... they think I have it all together ... and I think
they are the lucky ones ...

It was a near perfect weekend. 

I was where I want to be ... there were glimpses of the life I want to be living ... it's so close ...
within easy reach ... and one morning ... sipping coffee on the deck ... I was awash with happy ...
it was powerful ... and healing ...

"You're happy, MJ. Everyone feels it.  You know who you are.  And you're happy just being you."
 That's the observation that a friend made as we sat under the stars one night ...
pondering the ins-and-outs of life.

She said she wished she could be more like me ... not needing anyone else to make her happy.  I told her that I wished I could be more like her ... open enough to allow someone to stand a little closer and share a little bit of life with me.

She said maybe I should enlarge my window.  That made me smile.

Only you can make you happy.  That's what I told her.  Same goes for me.  Only I can make me happy.  And no matter how hard we try ... or how much we want to ... it's impossible for any of us to make another person ... happy.   Two people can be happy together ... but that's not the same as finding it within.

Happy is a choice.  It's personal.  I've been choosing happy for a long time ... and it hasn't been an easy journey.  Yet ... progress has been made.

Happy is much like the hot pink polish.  It feels funny to put it on and wear it around at first. Self-conscious ... wondering if everyone is looking at you funny ... maybe even snickering ... at your choice.  Once you relax ... and flow into it ... you discover that you wear it well ...

Sometimes it takes a bit to recognize happy ... in the rush of things.  Happy ... impatiently waiting patiently.  Three steps forwards ... two steps back ... is still ... forward progress. 

Happy's waving at you. Raise your hand.  Wave back.  See Happy smile! 




Monday, May 21, 2012

Hare Race ... Tortoise Pace ...

Some days I am the tortoise ... some days I am the hare ...

 It's a race between unequal partners.  That's how the story goes ... with many variations.

Rabbit races off ... confidently ... with a little spunk in his stride ... winning.

I get that ... been in a hurry-to-get-there, doing-something-if-it's-wrong since I was 19 ... rushing out to take on the world
Mary Tyler Moore-style.

For the most part it's worked for me .. very, very well.  Not much I would change if given the chance.

And the turtle sets off ... at his own pace ... unhurried ... enjoying every bit of the journey ... all the way to the finish line.

Deliberate ... determined ... focused.  I pack those traits as well.

Carrying along with me the things I value most ... fun-loving, adventure-seeking, always moving ... that's been my life for as far back as I can remember.  Tucking myself in ... shutting the world out ... as the mood strikes ... safe inside my shell ... no one gets to touch me there.

Is it possible to be the tortoise ... AND ... the hare?!?  I wonder.

Back to the race ... according to tradition ... it's brains against brawn.   In at least one version, the race is won by trickery ... with the turtle piggybacking on the rabbit ... jumping off at the finish line to claim the race. 

To be honest, I have never actually heard the story told that way.  And I don't much like it.  Probably because I play by the rules and think winning should be based on intention, integrity and effort.  You see, my dad taught me to always respect a worthy opponent.

I much prefer the Lord Dunsany interpretation.  He says the hare realizes the stupidity of
the challenge ... and simply chooses not to proceed any further.  So the obstinate tortoise wins the race and is declared the "swiftest" by all of the onlookers.

I don't do stupid well.  So that makes perfect sense to me.  And it certainly goes along with my philosophy that everyone gets to choose ... and all choices have consequences.

Intelligent, strategic & challenge driven ... forfeiting the popular prize for something of greater value ... self-respect & integrity ... it's an idea I can embrace.  Of course, I am known for my obstinate nature as well.  Persistent perseverance ... finish what I start ... and all that stuff.

Again, I wonder ... about the tortoise ... and the hare.

In my mental cartoon race .. the hare gives the tortoise a head start ... cuz it's only fair somehow.  And then he races off.  Throughout the event, the hare circles back to check on the tortoise's progress ... finding each time that a measurable amount of ground has been covered.

Racing around in circles ... losing sight of the finish line ... expending energy in unnecessary activities ... putting on a show for the onlookers ... 


Three steps forward ...  that's the turtle's pace ... and two steps back goes the rabbit ... all in all, it's still forward progress.  

From the sidelines it appears that the tortoise doesn't stand a chance.  All of the attention is on the hare ... he's doing the dance ... working the crowd ...

Exhausted from the rushing about, he decides to take a nap.  That way he will be rested & refreshed as he eases across the line for the win.  So he looks around for a cozy spot. 


Sometime later, he awakens to find that while he was sleeping ... dreaming about the victory ... the turtle outwitted ... outplayed ... outlasted him.  

In my telling of the story, I imagine the rabbit snuggling up inside that cozy shell ... with the turtle.  And they make the journey together.  The perfect combination of energy & enthusiasm ... perseverance & focus.

And at the finish line ... the hare steps back ... giving the turtle the win .. this time.  And next time, the tortoise pauses just long enough for the rabbit to stretch out of the shell ... and claim the prize.

The race always goes to the swift ... and on any given day ... it could be the tortoise ...or it could be the hare.


It's turtle season now.  I see them crossing the road pretty much everywhere I go.  My turtle sighting was out-of-season.  In the last year or so, since my encounter with the confident turtle in a friend's yard, I have discovered that there's quite a bit of spunk in the tortoise's pace.  It's hidden swagger ... a little harder to spot ...  

My turtle was there on that path ... waiting on me ...challenging me to take a chance ... to stick my neck out ... of the shell ... to offer a glimpse of the me on the inside ...


And my rabbit ... the one that lives in my yard ... he's waiting on me, too.  He's not in a hurry ... about anything either.  He frolics ... loiters in the yard ... deliberately pausing ... making eye contact ... as if to say, "Come on, MJ! It's time to get off the sidelines ... and into the race!"





www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com
(c) May 2012