Trainwreck ....

Have you ever felt like you were witnessing a trainwreck ?!?!

You know, in slow motion ... you see the switch isn't set ... or the bridge is out ... and the train is just racing down the track ... oblivious ...
to the danger ahead ...

... and you want to do something ... anything ... to stop it ... but there's really nothing to be done except sit on the sidelines ... and wait for the crash.

I know a thing or two about trainwrecks.  Guess maybe that's why it's making me so anxious ... the waiting & seeing ...

"My life is a trainwreck ... and I am the walking wounded" ... that's what I told people ... after my divorce ... and then my "second" divorce ... from work ... that followed so close on the heels of the first ...

And that's exactly how I felt.  Like I had been riding along .... on track ... then suddenly .. blindsided ... and life as I knew it was shattered ...
into a million gajillion pieces ...

Trainwreck aftermath.  It's awful.  It 's debilitating.  It's really & truly lousy. 
For a very long time.

You wander around in a daze ... a fog ... wondering what the heck happened here ... and will anything ever seem stable or real again.

No one could have stopped my train ... from wrecking.  And I am sure that there were any number of my friends who had been sitting on the sidelines ... much as I am today ... thinking there's going to be a  crash ... it's going to be messy .... knowing it was inevitable ... and yet
there was nothing they could do ...

... except wait ... and then step into the rubble ... assist in gathering up the pieces ... that were worth salvaging for the future ...

Search & rescue.  Tend to the wounded.  Salvage the least damaged cargo. 

I can do that.  When the time comes. 

In the meantime ... all I can do is watch ... and pray ... and wait ...

... for the inevitable ... crash.

Life is just tough ... at times ... but God is faithful.

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/
(c) March 2011

... moonSHADOW ...

Photo by V. L. Cox 3-20-11

The moon has been absolutely stunning the last few nites.  Of course, everyone has been talking about the "super" moon ... whatever that means.  I really haven't paid much attention to the scientific hoopla ... just have been enjoying the beauty of the full moon ... rising ... setting ... & just sittin' there for hours outside of my bedroom window.

Since I am now sleeping upstairs, the moon has seemed close enough to touch ... casting a moon shadow ... a la Cat Stevens ...

 

They say ... you know, whoever the "they" is that is always "saying" stuff ... that a full moon has a lot of impact on people and their actions.  So I guess the "super" moon has been stirring up chaos in a LARGER way ... somehow ...

Certainly has been ... in my circle of friends ...

There has been some pretty extra special stuff going on ... over here in my world ... & the lives of people I care about ... and some that has been more intense & dramatic than special ...

Not sure what to make of it all ... except to know that it's all a part of a bunch of different stories ... unfolding ...

A friend said this morning, "God sure is having a good time with us lately" ... so I said 'You mean like you & me ... us or just us in a more general sense?"

She said, "You & me ... us." 

I was puzzled by that.  I am a constant source of humor to God ... nothing new or different there.  She is struggling with changes ... and choices ... and I strive to be the consistent thing in her world ... providing her a sense of balance ... as she navigates her way across the wire ...

Still at times I am the catalyst ... as well as the constant ... somedays it's not easy to be me ...

A few weeks ago, Del shared any interesting concept in one of his Sunday morning messages.  It had to do with "safety" from your enemies. 

Biblically, your enemy loses all power over you .... you are safe from ALL harm ... as soon as you find a friend ... and touch a friend's tent.  Once you enter your friend's tent, there is sanctuary ... and no one can touch you or harm you there.

Sanctuary.  In a friend's tent.  Which in biblical days was your friend's home, most often than not.  Interesting concept.  I'm thinking it is still relevant today.

Everyone has enemies.  And enemies aren't just people.  An enemy is anything that pursues you to bring you harm.  Sometimes we are own enemy.  You know, like THEY say ... you are your own WORST enemy.

And ... everyone needs a place of safety .... where enemies can't harm you.  That's why God gave us friends.  It is in the presence of friends that we can find shelter, hope, compassion, forgiveness ... whatever it is that we are in need of to restore and refresh our hearts ...

Healing is found in the the tent of a friend.

All of us are looking for ways to justify our behavior.  Most of the time, when we do something troublesome or that has unexpected, unpleasant consequences ... it's because we simply aren't thinking. 

That's right.  We do something.  It blows up  ... or doesn't turn out quite like we planned ... and we say, "Gosh!  What was I thinking?!?"  Truth is ... we weren't.

We keep on going down those roads ... where we have been beat up ... or harmed ... in the past ... it's like we know better ... but we don't know any OTHER way ... to go ...

So we go down the familar road ... by our own choosing ... and then we wonder why we get what we get ...

Or we say we don't really care ... that the outcomes are the outcomes ... or that we don't care what anyone else says ...

Yeah. Right.  We really DO care.

Change.  It's just so dang hard.  Wouldn't it be cool if it was truly as simple as saying "I will take a different road this time" ?!? 

Instead we just wander around ... on familiar roads that lead to nowhere ... frying up a bunch of fish from time-to-time ... thinking things will never be different ... because we failed so miserably ... and nothing can ever fix that.

That's what Moses said ... because he failed so miserably ... he was just going to tend sheep for the rest of his life.  Sounded like a good plan at the time.  But God had other plans for Moses. 

God has other plans for us, too.

It's not just our enemies that pursue us, you know ... God pursues us as well.  He pursues us with love & grace.

It's the truth.  The Almighty God --- Creator of the Universe -- has decided that He loves YOU ... and He's coming after you.  He knows your heart ... where you are ... right this minute ... and He's not going to turn you loose ... once He has your attention.

Ponder that.

So there you are ... hanging out in your friend's tent ... with your enemies in hot pursuit ... encircling the camp ... just waiting for you to take a step outside. 

And God's pursuing you, too.  Difference is, He's got back-up ... on the inside ... of the tent.  You're there with your friend, after all.

A friend will tell you ... you don't have to feel bad about who you are ... not anymore ... you're safe here ... stay as long as it takes.

Most of the "bad" stuff we do is because we see ourselves "bad" in someway ... quite simply ... we don't love & respect ourselves ... and we don't believe we are worthy of anyone else's love & respect either.

That's where a friend steps in ... to remind you of what's real & true about you ... a friend will help you discard all the junk you drug along into the tent with you ... a friend will help you to re-discover the things that make you special & valued ...

There's nothing more important in our lives ... than being real.

So how do you get there ... to being real ?

You drop some of the stuff that you've been hanging on to ... that isn't really as important as you have made it out to be.  You decide you want to be free to live YOUR life.  You quit allowing others to control you ... or pull your puppet strings.

Most of us really dislike ourselves .... living day-after-day-after day with our same ole stuff.  And we really-&-truly-honest-to-God want to change ... ourselves ... to change our lives.
 
So how do we make those important changes ... without changing the core of who we are?  That's what my friend asked rhetorically ... this morning ...

There's nothing easy about change.  In John 7: 66-69, the story is related of how many of the followers of Jesus ... left ... after He had explained how difficult it was going to be ... and how deep inside of their hearts they were going to have to go ... to change ... to live in a new way. 

This morning, Del's message was about that story.  Opening his message, he said, "Step out ... take a chance ... do someting different ..."  Jessi responded from her seat, "Amen!"

Jessi always makes me smile. 

Change comes when we get tired of sitting in the same place ... when we are ready for an adventure ... when we are ready to try mercy ... when we live constantly ready to be surprised. ... when we finally move from a selfish life to a giving life ...

I really liked the part about the surprises.  I love surprises!  You can't be surprised as long as your life is all planned out ... with timelines ... deadlines ... this has to happen ... and that has to happen ...

... then maybe in June, MaryJane ... yeah, right ... a lot can happen between now & June ... what if I can't wait?!?  It's impossible to enjoy the surprises ...  in every breath ... when you are so busy focusing on down-the-road that you miss the possibilities of here-and-now ...

Change comes when you want something different ... so badly ... that you have nothing left to loose.  That's what Janis Joplin said ... "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to loose ..."  

Reminds me of someting I read this morning about communication ... just because something's said outloud doesn't mean it was communicated well ... a good communicator is a story teller ... who shares in a way that is easily understood by his audience ... last week it was Lady Antebellum ... this week it's Janis Joplin ... gotta love Del for keeping it real ...

Sanctuary.  My friends are always welcome ... in my tent.  It's a safe place for them ... to heal & change. 

"Be slow in choosing a friend slower in changing."  That's what Benjamin Frankin had to say about it.    Change is personal ... afterall ... it has to come from within oneself ... not through someone else ..

So I think that means I don't have to be there ... inside my tent ... physically ... with them ... the entire time.



Photo by Wilton C. Wescott
3-20-11



Do you want to try something new, MJ?  Would you like to do something different?  Those questions keep popping up.  And my answer is always the same ... Yes, indeed I do!

As for me ... right now ... today ... I am ready for adventure  ... I am open to the unexpected ... willing to take a chance ... to grab a hold of the good things when they come my way ... choosing happy ...

... cuz I'm leaping & hopping on a moonSHADOW ...

Moon SHADOW ... moon SHINE ... it's all good.

Life is good.  Very, very good.


http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/
(c) March 2011

Ladybug GPS

Yesterday was beautiful.  Sun was shining.  Top was down.  A ladybug took a ride on my windshield.  All the way to the bowling alley & back, it perched there ... serving as my GPS ... enjoying the ride ...

Just like me ... I guess.

Back in my driveway, I reached for my camera.  I wanted to capture the moment.  That's when the ladybug took flight.  Must not like to have her picture taken ...

Just like me ... I guess.

Ladybugs are lucky.  Everyone knows that.  In some Asian cultures, it is believed that the ladybug understands human language ... and has been blessed by God ... Himself.

When my Google-search turned up that tidbit of ladybug lore, it made me smile. 

"Blessings" has been the word of the day ... for oh-so-many-days ...

So I guess it's really no surprise that a ladybug crossed my path yesterday. 

The past week has been full of unexpected developments ... interesting conversations ... and, for those who thrive on it, tremendous opportunities for drama.

I don't do drama.  Not well.  'Nuff said.

There's a certain dialogue ... underway ... that's weighing heavy on my mind. The what-to-say, what-not-to-say dilemma ... initiated by unforseen circumstances ... followed by a nudge ... well, actually it was more like a shove ... from my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe ... that sent me racing down a road I really wasn't ready to go down ...

... all of which came on the heels of several of other exhausting conversations ... situations ... as I keep trying to be there ... for a variety of friends ... when I don't even know where "there" is ...

Funny.  One day this week my little facebook fortune said "You are there."  Hopefully time will tell where it is ... that I have finally arrived.

So the beautiful day ... and the chances to enjoy the top down rides ... as I went about my Saturday errands was therapeutic ... and I was listening carefully ... respecting the silence ...

Upon return, I picked up one of the many books that I have laying around the house ... and flipped it open randomly ... landed on page 165 ... here's what I found ... there ...

"A vision we give to another of who & what they could become
has power when it echoes what the Spirit has already spoken into their souls."

The book is CONNECTING by Larry Crabb.  It was given to me a few years ago ... by a good friend ... who has been a source of encouragement & insight during my personal journey of the last 6 years ... for true intimacy ...   

Most people raise their eyebrows where I tell them that is my quest ... because most people think "intimacy" is just another word for "sex".  Wrong-a-mondo!

Intimacy is something entirely different.  It has to do with familiarity ... knowing someone well ... inside & out ... it implies a close relationship ... one that has long ago dispensed with ceremony & formality.  It's the sharing of life between two people in an open, real, genuine way.  There is emotional intimacy ... intellectual intimacy ... & physical intimacy.

Good friendships will be based on at least one or a combination of the three. Oftentimes some truly intimate relationships are purely platonic ... the emotional & intellectual connections are so strong.

 The most special of relationships ... true intimacy ... would embody them all. 
However, those connections are extremely rare ...

... like maybe, one in ten million.

The book raises ... & addresses ... the questions:  "Why are we afraid of connecting with others?  And what has prevented us from achieving the thrill of intimacy with friends & family that God wants us to have?"

My friend sent me to find the book ... because ... he knows that connections come as natural as breathing to me ... that all three "intimacies" are important to me ... and at the time,  he said I was "ready" ... whatever that means.

Haven't spent much time with the book ... yet ... even though I've had it for quite awhile.  So maybe I wasn't really as ready as he thought.

Yesterday, it spoke to my questioning heart.

It went on to say ...

"A Spirit-inspired vision sometimes includes an idea of what a person could do, but it always centers on what a person could become."

Validating for me the highly charged conversations of the week .. affirming that somehow ... instinctively ... my responses were right ... and appropriate.  Whew!  That makes me feel a little bit better .. about things.

 

I had goals for the day ... yesterday. Make enough chicken spaghetti to feed a small army ... get Jessi to-and-from all of her dates with Donald ... clean up the patio ... & make a concentrated effort to start organizing the patio storage room.

Most of the immediate moving around in the storage room had to do with Christmas stuff.  Then I moved on to some boxes of old samples from my promtional products days .... tossed some ... kept some cool little items ... began a give-it-away box. 

In the midst of those types of boxes, I stumbled across a random CD case ... full of CDs.  I had to smile.  It was Abbi's old playlist ... from the days before Ipods & Iphones ... her encyclopedia of music ... the soundtrack of both of our lives ... during some of the toughest times ... ever.

Abbi has very cool taste in music.  She enjoys many of my oldies favorites.  More importantly, though, she has always introduced me to fresh, new artists ... artists who sing songs with messages ... that tell stories .. that touch my heart.

When I went on my one-and-only-roadtrip since my divorce ... a couple of years ago ... I asked Abbi for all of these CDs ... I wanted it to be my own little "roadmap" much like in her favorite movie, Elizabethtown. 

She couldn't find them ... at the time ... duh?!?! ... now I know they were lurking around in my storage room ... so she gave me her Ipod instead ... and said "Just hit shuffle, Mom, all of your songs will be there!"

The memory of Abbi's roadmap of music ... on the road to re-discovering myself ... always makes me smile!

Of course, I was still pondering the heartening message I had found in the book earlier. 

It said that if you were the one who had a vision of someone else's potential that it almost always created "anguish in your heart".

That was reassuring.  Guess my present uncertainty is a normal ... expected ... thing.  Thank goodness for that one!  Because there's no doubt that I have been anguished several times in recent days over the circumstances ... the honesty that was required of me ... the discomfort I have had at times in offering it ... & now the uncertainity of how things will play out ... because of that honesty.


Drug another box out & hidden in the bottom were stacks of yellowed papers, newspaper clippings, magazine pages ... and beneath them were two metal card files of differing sizes & a book sealed up in a plastic bag.

What a find!  It was my Mimi's recipe trove that I have somehow been moving around with me ... unawares ... from house-to-house ... state-to-state ... for a whole lot of years.  As I sifted through the papers I realized those were copies of her old favorites ... rewritten in later years ... with a big bold Sharpie marker on lined paper ... so that her failing eyes could read them. 

In the boxes are hundreds of recipe cards .... most of them written by her own hand ... a collected outpouring of love from a woman who was my mentor in the art of making people feel valued, loved & special.

... and the book in the plastic bag is a copy of a Good Housekeeping cookbook copyright 1941 ... in mint condition ... must have been one of her favorites!

As I set there in the sunshine, memories flooded over me as I remembered this dish ... that cake ... a family occasion of some sort ... or a simple meal made memorable by her attention to detail ... and love for good food & pretty things.

It was like finding an atlas of favorite adventures ...  based on a loved one's journey ... just waiting for me to revisit ... and claim as my own.

Throughout the afternoon,  I found myself wandering back to the book... 

" A Spirit-inspired vision is less concerned with
practically moving someone in a good direction

and more concerned with them catching a glimpse of what could be."

What could be ... now there's something worth spending some time on ... at least that's what I have been trying to tell my friends ... in my own words and ways ...

It would be EASIER to want less for the people I care about, I know.
Good visions hurt.

But, easy ... that's just not my style. Not always sure if that's a good thing  ... especially when you hold the direct & honest cards ... as well ...

It got to be late in the day ... evening actually ... I had dropped Jessi off at the dance ... picked up some sushi & wine ... and settled in on the patio ... to enjoy the nice weather ... and spend a little bit of quiet time ...

My mind was still caught up in the unsolicited drama that had played out ... all week ... so I picked up the book again ... for one more look ... at the passage I had started earlier ...   

Having such a vision for someone, according to Crabb, is a form of spiritual warfare.  Final victory is guaranteed, but, along the way, temporary setbacks & serious defections create levels of anguish that reduce us to prayer."

Wow! That's exactly where I was on Wednesday nite ... with my Band of Gypsys ... discussing how we are always under attack ... at war ... that it's the context of everything.

Our small group is studing Waking The Dead by John Eldredge and here's what we discussed this week:

"Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days we will not understand life.  We will misinterpret 90 percent of what is happening around us and to us.  It will be very hard to believe that God's intentions towards us are life abundant;  it will be even harder not to feel that somehow we are blowing it ..."

Sitting there on the patio ...  my burden was suddenly lightened.  It's so very cool how God does that.  He tells you something ... important ... then tells you again & again .... in a bunch of different ways ... just to be sure that you are "getting it"... if you are paying attention ...

Here's a little more from Eldredge:

"You won't understand your life, you won't see clearly what has happened to you or how to live forward from here unless you see it as a BATTLE.  A war against your heart.  And you are going to need your whole heart for what's coming next.  I don't mean what's coming next in the story I'm telling ... I mean what's coming next in the life you are living."

Have to laugh ... out loud.  I mean, really, do you think He could spell it out any clearer for me?!?!    And I love it when He explains it to me ... so simply & vividly ... and uses my VERY OWN words ... in the explanation.

By the time I called it a night ... there was a bit more stuff ... a little easier than some of that from earlier in the week, though ... or maybe I was just better equipped ... somehow ...

With an atlas full of treasured adventures waiting to be re-visited ... a roadmap that encompasses the soundtrack of my life the last few years ... and a ladybug GPS ... no doubt I am READY for whatever's coming next ...

Not to mention the fortune in my cookie that came with my sushi ...
GOOD NEWS IS ON IT'S WAY ...

... so here I am ... impatiently waiting patiently ... Amen.

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/
(c) March 2011



Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler !!!

Ever have one of those moments ... when the world sort of stops ... and you think, how in the heck could that have happened ?!?  And the sinking feeling that follows ... because you know there's no way that it can possibly be undone ... it just is what it is ?!?

That was me ... last nite ... after coming home from the BEST time I've had in ... gosh ... I don't know how long.

It was a fun party.  Very fun.  Mardi Gras themed ... and I was declared the "Bead Babe"  ... because it was pointed out that the title "Bead Lady" was owned by someone else ... in the neighborhood. 

People always use the term "lady" loosely when referring to me ... and it's been a very long time since anyone called me a "babe" ...

So, yeah, I liked it ... I liked it a lot!

Smiling. Laughing.  Handing out beads.  Enjoying old friends.  Making new ones.  That was my job for the evening.  

Beads & boas & masks ... came on & off all evening ... over my head.  We danced in the restaurant.  Paraded Louis Armstrong-style along the sidewalk. 

Later we wandered across the street for some serious singing to a totally oldies playlist ....

Lots of ground was covered ... during the course of the evening ...

Upon arriving home, I discovered the absence of an earring.  It was somewhat devastating.  And definitely took the glow off the good feelings that I carried in with me.

When it comes to jewelry, I am fairly simple in style and taste.  I don't switch things up much.  My earrings are my favorite ... diamond studs.  Not terribly tiny ones.  I wear them every day ... with everything.

As I wandered upstairs & downstairs ... my emotions were all over the map.

The earrings were very special to me.  A gift that was intended to remind me that I was loved ... day-in-and-day-out ... as I have been working through the process of rediscovering myself ... reclaiming my life.

It's JUST an earring, MJ!  ... I reminded myself.  You don't need an earring to know that you are special.  Not anymore.

... and, yes, the earrings carry a certain amount of monetary value.  That also crossed my mind.  And I knew that I would be making a call this morning to see about insurance.

It took an immense amount of effort not to give in ... to be totally overwhelmed ... by the loss. 

Hoping to determine whether the earring had been dropped during the revelry  ... or had fallen out after my arrival home ... I asked my friend who is staying with me, "Did you notice if I had both of my earrings when I came in?"

Nonchalantly ... she said, "No.  I didn't notice.  Are you missing one?"  When I said that I was she said, "Bummer".  And went on doing whatever she was doing on her laptop ... oblivious of my distress ...
Never have I had a problem with these earrings.  They have backs that screw on.  It's tricky to put them on ... and challenging at times to take them off.  So it has never crossed my mind that one could jump off somewhere ... randomly & undetected.

I went to bed determined to call ... first thing this morning ...the establishments that hosted the festivities last nite.  Futile, I know.  Still.  It was worth a try.

Sometime around midnight, I became restless.  So I came downstairs to the kitchen ... and thought maybe if I sweep the floor ... it will turn up in the dustpan.

Yeah, right.  Like that would happen.  No such luck.

I then wandered through the laundry room .... out to the garage ... to check the seat & floorboard of the car ... one more time ... because maybe it had landed on my clothes ... then fallen from there when I got out.

Who am I kidding?!? 

As many places as I had been during the evening ... there were simply too many other likely spots for it to have come loose ... and landed ... it was a needle-in-the-haystick situation ...

Hopeless.  Discouraged.  I could feel the dreariness that I shook off on Sunday inching it's way back ...

I bent down to pick up a sock that had somehow escaped the dryer as I opened the door to the garage.  And I laughed to myself ... I knew that finding the match to the sock was going to be just as likely as finding my lost diamond.

Opened the door ... and there nestled in a crack in the concrete floor ... was my earring. 

Improbable.  Impossible.  The odds of me ever seeing that earring were something like ...  one in ten million.

Yet there was my diamond ... resting in that concrete crack ... a rough

place in which one would never have looked ,,, not in a hundred-million years ... it was sparkling & winking at me.

Breathless. Speechless.  Overwhelmed.  There really aren't any words to describe how I felt in the moment.

I reached down ... picked it up ... and that's when the laughter came ... outloud ... until tears rolled down my cheeks ...

And the whsiper that followed ... "Get ready for the blessing, MJ.  Open your eyes & see it ... open your heart & receive it!"

... after I went back to bed ... I just laid there in the dark ... pondering ... post-pondering, as I am want to do ... because I was blown away ... not sure what to make of it all ..

I was reminded again this morning ... of a situation that is totally improbable ... impossible ... there's really no chance, after all ... it's just not in the cards ...

Yet ...

As I put my diamonds in my ears ... the whisper came again ...

"Anything's possible, MaryJane.  Do you trust me?"

... and then as if to validate the whisper, my inbox this morning held my daily message from The Universe.  It simply said, "You're there!"

Time will tell, I guess ... where THERE is ...  in the meantime ...

Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler !!!

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/
March 2011

On blessings ...

"YOU are a blessing in my life.  Let's be friends always."  That came to me in a text message on Thanksgiving ... from an unexpected source.

It confused me at the time.  It still does.

Since then, blessing is a word ... an idea ... that keeps popping up ... randomly.

Many people speak of the blessings in their lives ... when they are actually talking about things ... possessions ... material stuff ... status ... clout ... money ... power ... things that have worldly value.

Actually blessings aren't material things at all.  They are positive forces ... feelings ... of approval ... of encouragement ... of happiness. 

Blessing is a living word and it generally comes from people ... who make you feel valued, special, encouraged, happy by their words & actions ... not from inanimate objects.

Interesting thing ... the friend who sent me the Thanksgiving message ... continues to mention his blessings in our conversations ... from time-to-time ... it always makes me smile!

At church yesterday, as I was wandering around waiting to sit down God whispered in my ear ... 'I am getting ready to BLESS you, MJ ... are you ready?!?" 

Heck yeah, I'm ready.  I've been impatiently waiting patiently ... for something new ... for what's coming next ... to be living the life I want to be living ... for a very long time.  So bring on the blessing!

I wrote it down ... so that I wouldn't forget the promise ...

The music was great ... sang some of my favorites ...

You give & take away

You give & take away

And still my heart will say

Blessed be Your name ...

How great is our God

Sing with me ...

And it's the cry of my heart

To bring you praise ..

To love you from the inside out ...

Having found myself in a discouraged & overwhelmed place for a few days ... it was uplifting to me ... to know that a blessing was coming my way ... and to sing so many songs that make me smile ...

So Del's making announcements ... singing Happy Birthday ... and I am doodling in my journal ...

... rare & unique ... one-of-a-kind ... once-in-a-lifetime opportunity ... the time is now ... either take a chance ... or simply let the moment pass you by ...

Lost in my thoughts ... about choices, changes, chances ... situations I have no control over ... things that I wish would happen ... sooner than later ... and right on cue, the title of the message flashed up on the screen:

LIVING A BLESSED LIFE

And before I even heard the laughter of my best friend, God, Creator of the Universe ... I heard Him snort ... He simply couldn't control Himself ... He had been holding it in all through the songs ... and He was about to bust a gut!

Seriously.  Why am I always sooooo surprised?!?!

"All these blessings will come down on you and spread out beyond you because you have responded to the voice of God ... YOUR God."    ~ Deuteronomy 28:2

... and then Del began to share about the blessed life ...

The sense of blessing can be found when you enjoy WHO you are ... you enjoy life around you ... your life has a positive sense of goodness ... you live life as a celebration.  Yes. It's true.  You find that state of blessedness.

First, you must CHOOSE life.  That's what he said.

Then ... out-of-the-blue ... Del took a poke at ME.  Well, actually, I am pretty sure it wasn't Del's idea ... cuz my buddy, God, was still snickering in my ear ....

Choosing happy.  That's where he went.  He said that he thought people who say happy is  a choice ... are silly ... maybe he even said stupid ... I don't really remember ... I was so stunned at the direct hit ... to ME ! 

Needless to say, I sat up and took note ... I was definitely paying attention! 

He made a reference to a book titled Happiness Is A Choice.

I am not familiar with the book ... nor it's premise.  The Amazon link there says that the author "contends that if you change a belief or attitude you can change your life". 

I'm ok with that. 

It also says that "Section six has short chapters detailing shortcuts to happiness. "  Not so sure about that, though.  There are never shortcuts to things that are worthwhile, important & of value to your life ... but that's a topic for another day ...

Back to Del's comments ... about "choosing happy" ... he said it wasn't that simple.  Apparently he doesn't GET IT!

So he continued on with his discussion of  "choosing life"...

We must decide that we don't want to walk in drudgery & dreariness.  It's our choice.  We can choose to LIVE !!!

The nudge came ... dreariness, MJ ... that's what you've been feeling the last few days ... you allowed those other people with their random comments to rob you of your joy ... of the hope ... & enthusiasm you were feeling earlier in the week ...

... when you were feeling the state of blessedness ... in your life ... in the life of another ...

Yep. He was right, of course.  I allowed others to pull the rug right out from under my positive attitude. Instead of keeping hold of  the great feeling that my heart says is genuine & real.

The keys to finding blessedness are life, love, listen & embrace.

I liked that!  There was some elaboration on each of those keys ... but my mind was wandering.  And looking back through my notes, the only thing I wrote down during this part of the message was a question ...

Do you want to share LIFE with someone ... or do you just want to give away pieces of yourself in meaningless places ... and ways?

That was MY question ... not Del's ... it's one that I struggle with ... a lot ... not going down that road here ...

As Del got into his thoughts on "embrace", I was brought back from my own thoughts ...

The outer man is getting ... and somehow I didn't write down the word he used here  but I think it was something like ...exhausted, drained, worn-out ... each day;  the inner man is being renewed each day ... becoming more & more alive.

Embrace ... grab a hold .. of the good things that come your way ... especially the people who uplift you ... encourage you ... show you how very, very special you are ... that cause you to realize how blessed you are ...

So there you have it.  Choosing to live ... choosing the state of blessedness ... choosing happy (MJ-style) ... they're all the same things.  It's just a matter of what you CHOOSE to call it.

And, yes, it's really that simple.  Choosing it, I mean.  The hard part comes in the day-to-day putting into practice of your choice.

So choose to LIVE!  Whatever number of days God has in store for the rest of your life ... don't waste them in random places ... with people who don't mean anything to you ... LIVE them to the fullest ... even if it means taking a risk ... a chance on being hurt ... better to FEEL ALIVE than to exhaust yourself pretending you don't deserve better ... that you don't really want anything more ... than ordinary.

It's impossible to fill the holes in your heart ... in your life ... with the emptiness that comes from worthless encounters ... from friendships/relationships that mean nothing ... other than momentary satisifaction or immediate gratification ...

Nothing comes from nothing

Nothing ever could ...

I love that song from The Sound of Music ... and that scene.  It's very powerful.  That's what LIFE is supposed to feel like ... all of the time.  I want that!  God wants that for me, too!

God just wants us to feel blessed ... in the midst of life's chaos. And He sends people into our lives to help us feel that way. It's up to each of us whether we want to "go there" or not. It's a little scary, actually. The whole feeling blessed thing ... because we really don't think we deserve it ... the good stuff ... the wonderous power of being cherished ... worthy ... and besides, feelings are REALLY scary ... at times .. especially if you've been hurt or let down by someone you loved & trusted with your heart ... your self ... your life .. in the past.

Ok .. some of this is MJ-isms ... not at all what Del said ... it's always a hodgepodge here ... of me, Del & the prankster of the Universe, God.

Del's closing gambit:

Bless. That's your job. To bless. Others.  Be a blessing. You will get a blessing.

.... and God said ... 'You're almost there, MJ.  Soon. Very soon.  You're blessing is already on it's way!"

MaryJane smiled.

http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/

March 2011



Fear of Flying ... Or Not ...

Thought about naming this blog, "random things that made me smile this week" ... but as I was sitting down to start pulling my thoughts together ... Jessi decided to watch TITANIC . 

... for the one-hundred-millionth-and-one time ...

Everyone who knows me knows that I think that scene at the end where Rose promises Jack that she will "never let go"  ...  just before she chunks him over the edge of the ice floe they are drifting around on ... in the Atlantic ... is one of the lamest scenes in movie history !!!

 Tonite, as I was preparing dinner and thinking about the things that made me smile this week, the movie was unfolding in it's tried-and-true fashion ... then there came a scene ... that I am pretty sure I have never let penetrate my brain before ... it's just before Rose & Jack stand up on the bow of the ship ... and do the "flying" thing ...

Jack is pleading his case.  Telling Rose that he's "too involved" now ... that he needs to "know" that she will be "all right" when they disembark in New York.

Rose:  It's not your job to save me ...
Jack:  I know.  Only you can do that.

Stunned. My jaw dropped.  And, yes, I admit a tear emerged in the corner of my eye.  It struck ... like an iceberg ... just a little too close to home.

Then they climb up on the bow ... there ... with arms spread wide ... Rose declares, "Jack, we're flying!"


How have I missed this part ... in the hundred million times I've had to endure this movie with Jessi ?!?  Jack tells Rose that life is about adventure ... and risk taking ... and living to the fullest.  And I am struck dumb by the thought that his description is exactly the life I want to be living ... with a man just like Jack Dawson!
 So there you have it .... hidden beneath the sappy, over-dramatic veneer .. there is really a message here for me ... ... in TITANIC ...

Imagine that!

Random ... coincidence ... I think not.

Pondering ... pre-pondering ... post-pondering ...

At a meeting that involved three other women that I find amazing ... it was suggested to me from the git-go that we had a lot of material to cover ... so there wasn't time for ... pondering!

Really.  Me, ponder?!?
I am known to be an on-my-feet thinker and an off-the-cuff responder ... spontaneous by nature ... my retort was that I was not a PRE-ponderer ...

... something more like a POST-ponderer.

This, of course, has led me to webster.com  for some clarification of exactly what all of this PONDERING meant:


Ponder - to think about; to reflect on ..
Everyone knows that's just another word for over-thinking.  Guilty as charged ... on some levels.

Moved on to pre-ponder ... we've all heard the phrase "preponderance of evidence" on those lawyer shows ... so how does it relate?

Preponderance - a superiority in weight, power, importance, or strength

Yeah ... but we were talking about Pre-pondering versus Post-pondering ... so here's what I found  ...



Preponder - "Preponder, it turns out, isn't in the free Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, where you just searched."
 
So I went to a less "reputable" online dictionary, http://dictionary.reference.com/ and came up with this definition: 
 
Preponder - To preponderate 
 
Not only did that make me smile ... it literally cracked me up ...
 
Yes, indeed ... I was laughing out loud ...
 
Preponderate - to exceed in influence, power, or importance
 
So it appears if you "preponder" that you give too much credence to the information before it's even been presented ... sure that makes sense ... something like manic-depressive overthinking ... 
 
I am definitely NOT a pre-ponderer ... 
 
POST-pondering wasn't listed anywhere ... so it's totally unique to me ... oh, wait ... maybe that's YOUnique to me !!!  Gotta love it! 

So there's Rose & Jack ... standing on the very fartherst front point of the ship ... "flying" ... into what's coming next ... it's a beautiful scene ... visually ...

So why did my mind immediately go to "fear of flying" ... I wonder.
 
Once considered a very racy novel by Erica Jong, The Fear of Flying, is the story of Isadora Wing, one of the most hilarious and touching anti- heroines to ever appear in fiction. A compulsive daydreamer, a seeker of saviors and psychiatrists, the author of a book of supposedly erotic poems, and a full-fledged phobic who fears flying but will not allow that fear to keep her off planes, Isadora relates her adventures and misadventures with wit, exuberance, and the sort of absolute candor that for centuries was permitted only to men.
 
... intimacy, life, joy, and adventure ... those are the themes of the story ... and are all of the things I am wanting to find in the life I want to be living ...
 
... yep, me & Rose & Isadora ... we are all yearning for the same things ...
 
Profound ... and a little scary. 
 

It reminded me of another random smile this week.  A conversation ... about blessings ... and possibilities ... and rainchecks.  It came along with a fun picture ... of a place ... at the end of the road ... that I have been thinking leads to nowhere ... but just maybe leads to somewhere ...that I might want to be ...
 
A couple of other random conversations sort of diminished the glow of the original exchange ... but the picture ... well, it still captures the hope & enthusiasm ... of what's coming next ...
 
... and it continues to make me smile ...
 
Today was spent at the American Legion ... doing BINGO duty. 
 
A phone call ... it was an unlikely encounter ... in typical MJ-fashion ...

... made me smile ...
 
MJ:  Hello, American Legion, this is Mary Jane.
Caller:  Hello?!?  Is this the VFW ?
MJ:  No.  This is American Legion Post 1.
Caller:  Oh.  Is this Mary Jane Rogers?
 
Rogers.  That's my maiden name.  LOL.
 
MJ:  Yes.  Yes, it is.
Caller:  Well, this is (name withheld to protect the innocent)!
 
It was an old friend ... a boyfriend at times in my long ago past ... before internet, cell phones, or marriages.  Not the first time we've talked in recent years ... but it has been at least a year or so ... since some address book malfunction or other caused his number to be erased from "my memory" ... in my phone, silly!
 
Seems he was trying to call a VFW post ... because he was supposed to be judging a chili cook-off there ... but, in his own words, his "stupid-smart-phone" connected him with the American Legion ... and ME!
 
A wrong number ... a very fun re-connection!
 
Not so stupid ... on the phone's part ... I'm just sayin' ....
 
Random things ... make me smile ...
 
As for FLYING ... I'm not really afraid ... have always been willing to take off ... on some adventure or another ... seems I've been an adventurer for longer than I care to remember!

... in the words of Jack & Rose ...

Do you trust me?  Yes.  I trust you!
 
Good things are happening!




http://www.lifelessons-mj.blogspot.com/
(c) March 2011